Y’see the problem I have is that I have the navigational ability of a mars bar. I’m so easily lost. I can traipse from work to home on a daily basis but that’s about it. If I need to visit you I’ll have to be glued to a street directory most of the way there, even if you tell me you live just one street over from the main road of a popular suburb I won’t find you without assistance.
I’m easily disoriented too. Put me into a shopping centre, turn me around twice and I’ll struggle to find my way out. It’s not fun. Take yesterday for example I wandered into the city to collect a few items on a whim. Normally if I hit the CBD I stick to about three our four streets that I’m reasonably familiar with to ensure that I can always back-track out again.
Yesterday I thought I was going alright. I’d braved Swanston Street on which my tram runneth and ventured down Bourke Street without too much drama. Then I got too clever for my own good. I decided that if I cut through Myer I could make up some time and avoid getting rained on. Yeah, stroke of genius that one.
Of course I got distracted by something shiny, then decided to leave the ground floor, then walked a few laps trying to work out where I’d come from, then I needed to take a piss so decided to find the leak-house, then suddenly had no fucking idea where I’d come from or where I should be headed. After about half an hour of walking into wall mounted mirrors and finding dead ends I finally came to an exit except it wasn’t on Bourke Street. Bugger.
Thankfully I was able to take the cheaters way out and I followed the outside of the building around in what I hoped was the direction of Swanston Street. Turns out it was. Thank Christ.
I’m the same in airports – friggen hopeless. Needless to say my days of traveling between Sydney and Melbourne for work were usually filled with mad sprints to catch a plane because I’d managed to loose myself somehow, regardless of the fact I was only headed to the same departure lounge I’d been to fifteen times before.
Don’t even get me started on finding my car in a carpark. Unless my bay is clearly next to a very obvious landmark, like say the Eiffel tower, I won’t have a chance of finding my car without a good forty minutes of leg-work first. The degree of difficulty is of course of multiplied by each additional level in the car park.
Err, now where was I? Fucked if I know really – navigating through a conversation often proves to be as difficult as navigating through the burbs. I loose sight of where I was headed and forget where I’ve already been. And who says being simple is no fun? You learn something new everyday, even if it is the same thing you learnt yesterday.
14 comments:
I am so with you on this.
Navigation to me is like a vagina - foreign and unknown.
Its all good training for Alzheimers. You'll feel right at home when you have it even though you won't know how you got there.
I get lost in my own house.
Sadly I can only join you on the first part of this... I'm fairly hopeless with directions while in the car. If I've been somewhere a bunch of times I'm okay, and often I have a vague idea of how to get from A to B... just don't ask me street names or expect me be able to make it to your place the first couple of times without getting somewhat lost.
Somehow I believe that remembering street names and directions seems to flow with becoming a regular driver: before the plates I hadn't a clue, but afterwards necessity gives you a big kick in the pants.
Have you considered having a GPS permanently attached to you?
Or is that just going to confuse you further...?
I have kept my sense of direction in other states, foreign lands, in fact everywhere.........except Melbourne Central. I might have been there fifty times and I can never work out where I am or what direction I am facing. I have studied maps of it, noted landmarks but now I avoid in now for that very reason.
I don't believe in "lost." There's just "adventure," "more adventure," and "we are definitely late now."
Damien, interesting comparison - not sure I'd make that one myself, but you have a very good point.
Victor, I have the sneaking suspicion that I may already be showing the early signs alzheimers, that or I just have a head like a sieve, I can't remember which.
Jen, that has to be frightening, could I suggest a smaller house? Mine only has four rooms in it so its easier to find myself.
Yani, if you can find your car in a car park then you'd better start coming shopping with me.
Vag of Madge, I drive often, yet I still can't navigate, so it shows just how over-rated directional ability really is.
Stu, it would probably make things a whole lot simpler, but if it involves modern technology then there's another obstruction I'd have to overcome.
Andrew, Melbourne Central is a nighmare, but then again I could probably get lost in Federation Square so I'm not one to comment.
The Replicant, I think I usually fall into those last two categories, the last one most of all... Adventure here I come!
I have a fantastic sense of direction... never ever have I gotten lost on a road to somewhere.
I'd be a fantastic taxi driver.
I always get lost in dark rooms
I'm useless at directions, but i'm getting better. my family gave me a GPS after I went on fieldwork for a weekend an dended up wanderng around in the bush for ten hours (no exaggeration) with no water, being ripped apart by thron-bushes when I was too tired to navigate round them anymore.
So you're not alone! If only those other people could find you to sympathise!
I generally have a vague idea where I'm going, however I don't know street names EVER. Strangely enough, I get asked for directions from people at least twice a week, my record has been 6 people in one day asking me how to find or get to somewhere. Can't they see my vague face dammit?
Ben, I think much of my problem stems from the fact I'm on a road to nowhere, wait - that's a song isn't it? Everybody, join in!
Tom, just a though, switch the light oooooh, hang on a tick, you mean those kinds of dark rooms, its okay to get lost in them!
Helen, can you program your GPS to come and find me? I'm not even sure where I am right now, just look under 'points of interest' and start typing in 'screaming lunatic'
Fenz, I hate nothing more than being asked for directions, I don't know street names or how many blocks away something is, so I usually use things like "Turn left at the strange little bondage shop, walk past the copy place with the obscene looking dog out the front then turn right at the bondage shop, then the place you want is opposite the gay bar with with the penis sculpyure on the bar." People seem to be able to follow directions like that!
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