Monday, March 12, 2012

One Perfect Moment

Forgive me father, it has been ten months since my last internet confessional. During that time my readership has dropped from a large amount of unique visitors per day to one spammer per month and maybe the odd Fergy tractor enthusiast here or there (although I'm not sure why?).

During that time I have met a man, fallen in love with a man, moved in with a man, and drank far too much beer with a man.

During that time I have bought a smart, sold a 15 year old Holden, driven a smart, returned a smart in disgust, and purchased a 20 year old Honda an a better option.

During that time I have worked ceaseless hours in two jobs that I love dearly.

During that time I've... Y'know what - I have nothing...

I was suppossed to save for a house - I have accrued about thirty bucks in that account and drank the rest. I was supposed to help my sister renovate the house I share with her, and so far she has painted the gate and we've strategically left the rest.

I bought a bike and was supposed to ride it. I mostly leave it in the garage.

The long story, boiled down to nothing is that I'm everything you shouldn't do. I'm the anti-example, I drink too much beer, I shun gyms, I drink too much rum, I eat shit (not literally, you dirtbag), I watch porn, I drink too much wine, I'm late for work every morning, I hate races that aren't white, minorities that aren't gay, cars that aren't Holdens... You get the general idea.

I'm at a low ebb, yet simultaneously the happiest I've ever been in my life.

You know what just occurred to me? This: There are only seven people that will read this, bloggers, people I admire beyond belief. Men and women I idolise and and envy. People I have never met - anononyms. People who have given me the best advice I've ever headed. People who know me not from a bar of soap. Citizens more sober than I.

This is headed nowhere, when I started I'd drank a six pack of beer, by the time I've finished I'll have polished of twelve beers and a bottle of cheap white wine, lamented about my weight five times, thawed a frozen pizza, weighed myself twice, fallen asleep three times, forgotten the point of this post innumerable times, agonised over my suspected melanoma at least once (like right now) and poured myself another glass of wine whilst googling the 15X8 inch Borbet alloy wheels I want to put on the car I haven't even bought yet.

I forgot the point, I'm listening to Jewel (0304, the album no one liked), and I've dranken (? WTF???) more booze, and I've failed - I'm 15kg overweight (thats 34lb), I'm a terrible boyfriend, I'm fat, I'm balding, I'm inebriated, I'm................

A failure.

I had a point and a direction and a plan for this blog post - but hey, shit happens, and things are forgotten and no one minds that you're such a victim that you 'asked for it' four times in your life and you lost your faith in humanity years before your started flirting with your own mortality and.........

(yes, I will still be here tomorrow, because theres still wine to drink and weight to loose and enormous thighs to lament about and wine to drink and scissor sister to idolise)

As you were.


Andrew said...

One of the best things about the net, apart from porn, is to be able to just write and vent. You may regret what you have written the next morning but no matter. You can always delete it and only those up very early will ever get to read it.

Fenstar de Luxe said...

I wasn't even up early and here it still is!
Your life sounds more interesting than mine so don't complain!!

Word Verif - oreshat LMAO!!

Damien Oz said...

Thank g-d.

You're still you.

And I like that. I wish I was closer so I could enjoy it more. But I'm simply happy that you are still here and still you.

PS you aren't terrible. Stop beating yourself up - its a dreadful waste of your time and talent

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River said...

Clearly your purpose in life is to entertain the rest of us seemingly insignificant persons, also to keep doing the two jobs you love, because if you don't, someone else will, but they may not love the job...
Came here via Highriser Andrew.

Victor said...

Low ebb, or the happiest you've been. Whichever, you still are a better writer than you concede.

Overweight, oversexed, overwrought and over it and loveable as ever.

Kath said...

I'm another Highriser Hobo over for a visit. As a fellow 'beat yourself up-per', the first thing I'd suggest is to fling out the bathroom scales and then remind yourself that when you're out in public no-one runs away from you, screaming in horror.

I figure that they're easier to do than starve myself into misery when eatin' and lovin' make me happy.

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